Thursday, August 5, 2010

moments of clarification

Last night I unwinded at home in peace and quiet to help my mind and my back from so much tension I was experiancing yesterday. I've been told by friends and family that I am suseptable to other peoples feelings. I know this and I don't like it about myself. I think it started when I was very young. I remember witnessing my parents fight and I wanted to intervine and stop it. But I could not. I was so small, my voice was so insignificant and low they could not here me. After my parents separation I changed drastically...I was such a normal, happy, outgoing child with so much confidence. And I remember that changing about myself. I think that my parents didn't notice this because they were so busy dealing with their own issues. I can't blame them. I remember just feeling so sad, timid, and afraid of everything all the time. I couldn't make friends, my grades went down from outstanding to average. Now as an adult I still suffer from some of these issues but I am more confident and not afraid anymore. I always tell myself that I will not allow my children to ever go through so much pain and confusion. Being a kid should mean to be happy and carefree.

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